Everything's Archie

Archive for the ‘Betty & Veronica’ tag

Crucial advice for teenage femme fatales

leave a comment

Here’s a fun short from Betty & Veronica #93 (Sept 1963), helpfully entitled “What Every Young Girl Should Know.” I suppose I should get on my feminist soapbox and yada-yada about the inherent sexism here. Instead I’m going to be honest and admit that this strip not only made me giggle, it also reinforced my belief that Veronica is a master seductress, knowledgeable far beyond her 17 years of age. That ugly fucking hat is another matter entirely.

Written by Sugar

April 25th, 2012 at 7:44 pm

I love the sound of Archie getting his ass kicked in the morning.

leave a comment

Betty & Veronica
Issue 122, February 1966
“Smack! Smack!”

If this happened more often, I could learn to love Betty. That perfect form, those fishnet stockings, that gleefully evil look on her face…ah, yes, this is a Betty Cooper I could hang with.

Written by Sugar

April 18th, 2012 at 4:41 pm

Hey, remember that time Betty hired herself out as a prostitute?

leave a comment

Sure, you do! It was in Betty & Veronica #61 (Jan 1961), in a story called — wait for it — “Hired Girl.”

Yes, that’s right: Veronica is the first member of the Gang to take Betty up on her (ludicrously cheap) offer to “hire herself out.” I don’t know what all Veronica’s got stuffed in that bag, but Betty seems to be at least slightly enjoying herself. Maybe this won’t be so bad, after all, she thinks. Veronica’s pretty, and she bathes regularly, and I occasionally like her…I think I can do this. And, really, Veronica lives to pay people to do shit for her — she’s not going to be too cruel of a mistress.

Jughead is next in line to throw a dollar Betty’s way in exchange for her servicing him as he sees fit.

Jughead, our resident woman-hater, must be as condescending and hateful as possible. Especially to Betty, whom he wants to see as the perfect example of a weak, greedy female, but who often challenges his paradigm (classic Jughead’s relationship with Betty is deliciously complex). Jughead tries to justify his degradation of Betty with the old “it was her idea” argument, as if Betty’s consent to accept money for her services makes it morally acceptable for Jughead to thoroughly exploit her. Betty is ashamed here, her worldview shaken: she harbors no illusions about the depths to which some humans will go to degrade and/or control another human being.

Also, get a load of Mr. Righteous-Pants Andrews over there, reading Juggie the riot act over his demeaning treatment of our ponytailed protagonist. Archie is setting himself up to be a white knight of Richard Gere-ian proportions.

Next up is Reginald Mantle, asshole extraordinaire. What sick perversions does he have in store for our gentle blonde heroine?

Reggie is into some kinky shit, yo.

Finally it is time for Prince Charming to state the obvious.

Yeah, no shit, Sherlock.

Despite his lack of loquaciousness, Archie is no dummy: he knows that Betty will continue willfully degrading herself unless he steps in and saves her. Even more, he finds out why Betty ventured down her new career path.

SHE WANTS TO BUY A BIRTHDAY GIFT FOR HER MOTHER. O! how her friends have misinterpreted her! Instead of whoring herself out for selfish purposes, she has been whoring herself out for altruistic reasons! Now they feel ashamed by what they did, by how willingly they exploited her…by how “rough” they were “on her.”

Archie has hired Betty for the next three days and is currently letting her rest. Lest you think our sweater-vested savior too much of a gentleman, though, he isn’t going to let his “service contract” (as it were) go to complete waste — as he makes perfectly clear to Veronica.

One word: anal.

Written by Sugar

April 17th, 2012 at 10:47 pm

“I hate to disturb you…”

leave a comment

Betty & Veronica
Issue 74, February 1962
“Small Fry”

For a woman-hater like 1960s Jughead, this is distressing news indeed.

Written by Sugar

April 16th, 2012 at 9:08 pm